Most of my life, I’ve felt and acted like a mouse…small, disposable, hiding from predators, and searching for what I needed to survive. I knew 27 years ago, that I (like most people) was much more than meets the eye, having multiple parts of myself and a vast array of emotions usually held in check. Yet, you can only hold in rage for so long, before it erupts as the lion within roars from the depths of your soul, fighting to be heard, seen, and validated.
I laid on the massage table as my friend and healer gave my body the energy it needed and provided the safety for it to release whatever was ready to be released as stiffness turned to softness and tension became relaxation.
But first…the ROAR. I never knew I could scream that loudly. Where had it come from? Some original wound, some illusory dagger that ripped me open inside, leaving pain, confusion, and deep despair. It could be a trauma from long ago or a painful experience of rejection or abandonment. The cause is no longer as important to me as the need to release these feelings from my body. I went home feeling exhausted, like I’d been through a war.
The lion’s roar is appropriate in a therapeutic environment, but what if it comes out at work? That is not acceptable…need to become the mouse again. However, eventually I will return to the healer and roar as loudly and as many times as I need to release the thunderous rage from my body. Maybe after that, the lion will not be as dangerous and I can risk letting it out again. I’m not supposed to be a mouse. I was born to be Leo the Lion in all my glory and power! Being able to express the fullness of ourselves with safe friends and loved ones is one of the Gifts on the Journey.