Today I had my first online live video class of a 6 month transformational life coach certification program. I was filled with excitement…and fears. One of my goals in the program is to do my own videos as my authentic self. This is a powerful step in pursuing my dreams and sharing my heart with others on a larger scale.
However, after declaring my intention to my coaching instructors and fellow students, I suddenly felt like going to bed, pulling the covers over my head, and hiding for the rest of my life! My fear of rejection and the disapproval of others arose from the depth of my being and screamed, “No! I can’t do this. I’ll just go back to my normal life and keep myself safe.”
I comforted that scared part of myself and assured her she would be okay. After all, I’ve already been sharing myself in this blog for the past 2 years and I haven’t died of rejection or disapproval. It’s time for me to be even more courageous.
Like all experiences on the journey, facing my fears is a gift. It leads to strength, confidence, and personal empowerment. I hope you will join me in facing a fear that you have and discovering that it is actually a Gift on the Journey.
How could I possibly say cancer is a gift? Let me explain. As horrible as cancer is, it is also a wake up call. Sometimes we need those in our lives.
These wake up calls bring self care to the forefront of our minds when before we would have brushed it aside. They force us to contemplate what is most important to us and to face the reality of mortality. They encourage us to reach out for help and to find that loved ones and even strangers are there to support us. They force us to dive deep within our souls for the strength we need to survive or to gracefully let go.
Years ago, a dear friend of mine who had struggled emotionally her whole life passed quickly of Leukemia. However, during her time of suffering from cancer, she experienced a profound peace and sense of purpose. She demonstrated to everyone around her that it is possible to heal within and yet surrender to what she knew to be her time. She confided in me that the purpose of her illness was to prepare her friends for the death of their parents. She arose from her bed during her last days on earth to get me a glass of water. She used her cancer as an opportunity to grow in and love and service.
In September of 2015, I learned that I had breast cancer. Throughout my initial shock and subsequent treatment, I learned that I had been given a gift. It was time to tend to my inner and outer self and it was okay to do so. It was like being given a permission slip to be good to myself. I found that I had all the support I needed…from God, family, and friends, including breast cancer survivors who freely shared their experiences and knowledge with me. I learned that I was stronger than I thought.
Now I have the opportunity to mentor another woman who is going through this journey. I spoke with her last night and rejoiced that my experience can benefit someone else. Yes, sometimes even cancer can be a Gift on the Journey.
Can you trust that God has your best interests at heart no matter what happens? Tomorrow is Mother’s Day and God is the most loving Parent/Father/Mother we could ask for. God’s love is based on knowledge that we don’t yet know since we don’t have the same perspective.
Mother God knows what direction is for our highest good and will sometimes shake things up in our lives in order to redirect us. She may remove something or someone from our lives for this purpose. We may think we are being punished or treated unfairly, when our wise Heavenly Mother is moving pieces of our lives around in order to provide something or someone even better for us.
I was describing this to my friend online when suddenly my screen started shaking. I felt out of control and fearful since I didn’t know if or when this would stop. I then prayed that the shaking would stop and it did!
It’s normal to feel this way when things are changing quickly or drastically in our lives. However, if we can sit back, relax, process our emotions, and wait for the next step…we may find that the “shake-up” was actually in our best interest and a beautiful future comes into view.
This Mother’s Day, think of God as the greatest Mother ever, who would never do anything to harm you, only to lead you to a better tomorrow. Join me in thanking God for the Gift of Trust on the Journey!
Most of my life, I’ve felt and acted like a mouse…small, disposable, hiding from predators, and searching for what I needed to survive. I knew 27 years ago, that I (like most people) was much more than meets the eye, having multiple parts of myself and a vast array of emotions usually held in check. Yet, you can only hold in rage for so long, before it erupts as the lion within roars from the depths of your soul, fighting to be heard, seen, and validated.
I laid on the massage table as my friend and healer gave my body the energy it needed and provided the safety for it to release whatever was ready to be released as stiffness turned to softness and tension became relaxation.
But first…the ROAR. I never knew I could scream that loudly. Where had it come from? Some original wound, some illusory dagger that ripped me open inside, leaving pain, confusion, and deep despair. It could be a trauma from long ago or a painful experience of rejection or abandonment. The cause is no longer as important to me as the need to release these feelings from my body. I went home feeling exhausted, like I’d been through a war.
The lion’s roar is appropriate in a therapeutic environment, but what if it comes out at work? That is not acceptable…need to become the mouse again. However, eventually I will return to the healer and roar as loudly and as many times as I need to release the thunderous rage from my body. Maybe after that, the lion will not be as dangerous and I can risk letting it out again. I’m not supposed to be a mouse. I was born to be Leo the Lion in all my glory and power! Being able to express the fullness of ourselves with safe friends and loved ones is one of the Gifts on the Journey.
How do we know who to trust and who not to trust? How do we know that the person we think we are talking to over the internet is indeed the person he proclaims himself to be?
God, in the form of our intuition, usually gives us signs when something is wrong and doesn’t add up. However, it is up to us to choose to pay attention to those signs or ignore them. I believe that is where the Gift of Discernment comes in.
Discernment is an inner knowing that slices through the fog of confusion like a sword separating truth from fiction. Sometimes our desire for something to be true causes us to set aside our discernment swords and, in the end, leaves us feeling wounded by our own ignorance and vulnerability.
Perhaps you have learned this lesson the hard way as I have. The important thing is to not fall into the trap of illusion again by trusting our intuition and the Gift of Discernment on the Journey.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who has or will read my blog! I am very grateful to you for taking the time to consider my thoughts. It’s a special form of “listening” and I appreciate those who listen to me and to each other. We can learn so much from the wisdom of those in our lives.
I have been fortunate to enjoy an abundantly blessed Thanksgiving Day. However, I am acutely aware that there are those who are suffering on this Day of Thanks. I send my love to all of you and ask that you be wrapped in the comforting arms of the angels.
For the last two years around Thanksgiving, my mother and I have made long lists of what we are grateful for. Last year we shared them with each other. We still need to share our lists for this year and I look forward to doing this very soon. Sharing them helps us to rejoice and celebrate together.
I am inspired this year to spend some time slowly pondering my list and thanking God for each blessing. I lit a candle to set the mood…
I just reviewed my list and gave thanks. It was really a great way to start reviewing the past year and to prepare for the next. I encourage you to try it. You may find that you have more blessings than you realized before you started. It is also very helpful to share your list with someone who knows what you have been through during the year.
I again thank God for each one of you and for this Day of Thanks on the Journey!
I was blessed this weekend with the Gift of a Women’s Retreat. Family and friends keep asking me, “What did you do?” and “What kind of a retreat was it?” How can I possibly explain the miracles of emotional healing and the feeling of sisterhood that filled each moment. My heart is overflowing with gratitude to God and to my sister-friends.
We shared food, drink, thoughts, feelings, memories, and hugs. We surrounded each other with love and unconditional acceptance. We asked questions of each other, encouraging communication on such a deep level that we became each other’s healers. We spoke as wise women, tapping into our intuitive gifts.
This weekend was a break from our normal realities as time seemed to stand still. I am meditating now on the lessons I learned, the inner wounds that were healed, and the encouragement I received. Women are natural healers. When we shift from a framework of competition to one of embracing and drawing out other women’s beauty and strengths, miracles can and do happen.
As each woman becomes empowered to no longer accept abuse or disrespect of any kind, we become an amazing force for good. A sisterhood of empowered women can inspire each other to be the highest version of ourselves and to spread love, hope, and healing to our families, communities, countries, and the world.
I thank God for this Gift of a Women’s Retreat on the Journey and look forward to many more to come!
I am so very thankful that I am not currently experiencing these terrible depressing feelings, but I’ve definitely been there many times. Here is my 1994 attempt to describe how I felt and to encourage myself not to give up. This is dedicated to all who are suffering from depression and any form of mental illness.
Despair in my heart
Tears in my eyes
Depression engulfs me
Pain overwhelms me
My soul cries
Where is the rainbow?
Where is the sun?
Where is the promise
This war will be won?
When will this sorrow
Be over and done?
Hold on till tomorrow
Hold on through the night
Believe in yourself
Don’t give up the fight
Perhaps in the morning
All will be bright
Since I was a little one
My heart has burst forth with emotion.
I wondered why God made this so
For to Him I gave my devotion.
Feelings hurt and feelings pierce;
They even make me want to die.
But feelings also can spread joy,
Can make me feel like I could fly.
This depth of feelings seems to be
The cost of sensitivity.
The poets and the artists share
The price of creativity.
Written in 1994 at a difficult time in my life. Dedicated to all the sensitive souls on earth.